Duncan Smeed has a copy of a hysterical email that's been going around.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.

..You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde.